Even though today was a day off that I spent with people from camp instead of going home, I still really feel like I belong with anyone here. Everyone has their friends that they look forward to seeing and hanging out with all day, and I just don’t feel like I’m anyone’s person.
I went out with 3 other girls from camp today and they just talked about One Direction for a majority of the time and I couldn’t really jump in the conversation because I’m not a huge One Direction fan like they are. I kinda felt like a taxi the whole day. I don’t mind driving people, just as long as I feel like I’m apart of the group, you know? I don’t really think they knew how left out I was feeling, so I don’t blame them too much.
It also doesn’t help that I feel like my best friend at home really doesn’t want to make an effort to see me either. Every time I’ve tried to get her to come to Frederick so we can see each other, it’s always too far or she’s too busy. I’m sorry if I don’t want to be on the road for almost 3 hours to get to Baltimore and another 3 back to get back to camp. I really don’t feel like being on the road for 6 hours on my day off. That’s not fair to make me do all the driving to come see her.
I don’t know. I just feel kind of unwanted by the people who I want to be around me, you know? I want all my camp co-workers to be friends with me. And yes, I know that sounds a bit extreme, but I at least want to have a group where I fit in with and shit. I want my best friend to make an effort and see me instead of making me feel guilty when I don’t come and drive to see her.
For once, I want to be completely content with my life and not feel completely depressed.